I want to fit in.

a plane seat (and buckled)
a roller coaster
the lecture hall seat in my class
skinny jeans
a cute short skirt (without leggings)
my Detroit shirt

Hungry

Well, it is day 3 of only liquids.  I am hungry.  I am day dreaming of a cheese pizza with bread sticks, and just think, a couple of says from now I won't even have hunger pangs like this.  I am excited for this journey and nervous.

I am nervous about throwing up, getting sick, feeling week, not being able to eat.  I am nervous about after surgery more than I am of the actual procedure.  Two days from now they will be cutting a portion of my stomach and placing it in a little garbage bag and pulling it out of my side.  Crazy thought.

I have had many people say that weigh loss surgery is the easy way out.  I am sorry to say that this is the hardest thing that I have had to do.  Between the requirements from my insurance company to the strict diet I have been following.  This is hard.  Not to mention that the journey has just begun.

I have a strict diet procedure for after surgery as well. Two weeks of nothing but liquids.  Two weeks of soft mushy foods, and one week of no red meat.  Plus the journey of exercise begins.  Who wants to have saggy loose skin hanging around after you lose weight.  Not me!

I am going to have to take the most medicine I have ever taken before.  I literally have a basket full of medication that I have to take before and after surgery.  CRAZY!!

Well, the journey has begun.  I am two days away from surgery.

warmed leftovers

     Once again, I have made my yearly goal to blog.  Yet again, it is almost the end of the year and I have posted only two.  Well, I have promised myself that this will soon change.  I have begun the long process of weight loss numerous times throughout my life and while I have had small successes, ultimately I have failed.
   "Failure is not an option", she said as I sat in my administrators office one afternoon.  Failure is not an option.  
    While I have prayed and researched and thought about weight loss surgery for years, I am finally making the decision.  My surgery is scheduled for December 17th and I will be undergoing the bariatric sleeve.  
   Is it the easy way out?  NO!
   This is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I have been dealing with doctors and scales, meetings, dietitians, strict diets and sugar free Jello.  This has not been the easy way out.  I am now waiting for my insurance's decision and I will know next month if all this has been worth it.  I will know if I am approved to have the surgery.  
   A friend of mine recently had this procedure and she has been telling me her journey and what to expect.  Yesterday, while we were discussing eating, she explained that she ordered a children's chicken and rice meal at the local Mexican restaurant and she warmed it up for leftovers the entire day.  One meal fed her for the entire day.  
   I wish that were the case for me right now.  While I am on a strict no carb diet from my doctor, all I can think about is ice cream!

 

New Years Resolution

I have thought about and pondered the various resolutions that I should be tackling and the only one that seems interesting is writing.  I haven't posted in this blog in two years.  That is horrible!  Shame on me.

With that being said, I am proclaiming that I will be writing more often and updating my thoughts throughout the year on this and that.  While I have other goals this year as well, they are typical and I usually loose interest within a month and my flesh gives in to temptation.  

As I usually write down my goals every year:  I thought this would be a great start of publishing the dreams for the world to see.  (If anyone even reads this)

GOALS

Financial

1. Pay off two credit cards completely

2. Apply for mortgage

3. Own home (long term)

Spiritual

1. Read the bible in a year

2. Study one book a month

Psychical

1. Loose weight (its always a goal, right!)

2. Exercise 5 times a week (i need it)

3. Go for a walk!

Educational

1. Write at least once a month in this crazy blog.

2. Read 20 books other than textbooks and Spanish Education.

3. Complete my Masters Degree :)

Skinny Jeans & Tucking

There are many things that big girls should not do.  As a larger woman, as I have been all my life, I have learned many valuable life lessons.  First, there are only two stores in a mall that will have clothes to fit you (sometimes there is only one).  Second, sometimes you need to wear stretchy pants in your room, its just for fun! (if you have watched Nacho Libre you will understand this concept).  Next, big girls do not look right in skinny jeans.  Well, at least I know I do not.  Something about showing off the intricate curves of my thighs is not attracting to me (your preference may be different) .  Lastly, big girls DO NOT TUCK.  I worked for a business where tucking was mandatory.  Oh Lord come quickly if I ever have to tuck a dress shirt again.

My inspiration this week to write is from a great friend that I haven't talked to in 10 years.  We have had some great texts lately and he has awakened the need to exercise even more (I am one big sexy woman)

Also, my best friend Melissa.  Her diet fads and consistency in my life makes me get out of my chair and do a couple jumping jacks throughout the day.  I can not forget my cousin Amanda who is on this journey of "life changing, food bashing, non diet eating".  I can't agree more that my life has changed this year and I have had an awakening to healthy living and portion control. 

On a non serious note, the holidays are vastly approaching and I am going to hide in the closet until they stop making pies, cookies, and things you put gravy over.

Why?

Why does unhealthy food taste so good?  My weight loss journey has veered off course for a week and I have eaten greasy cheese bread and pizza OH NO!  Yes it is true I have indulged in the delicacy of Little Italy's pizza extravaganza.

However, writing about eating and food allows me to refocus on my goal.  I have hung a pair of goal jeans in my room to look at and get motivation to exercise!

On a more spiritual note:

I went to a christian concert a couple weeks ago and was introduced to a new raper by the name of Tedashii.  One of his lyrics really stood out ot me "I went from enemy t intimacy".  May that be my  prayer this week....to embrace the devine intimacy of Jesus <3

 

"Yes, on a permanent team
You can say I'm fresh to death, I'm eternally clean
Used to walk to by my own beat of drum, internal instinct
But went from enemy to intimacy, I been redeemed
Through the cross and now I floss in His Paternal Regime
No more living single, it's like I done turned on Regine
In the body I got it, wha-what fraternity means
He prevailed my hell so there will be no burning of me
So keep the urn and the wreath, cause I'll return to the king
Accepted fully cause of the cross' conversion of me
So if I flex, it ain't in flesh
He bore my burden for me
And baby when I say I'm fresh
It's cause He birthed a new me"

--Tedashii

Biggest Loser

My weigh in day is tomorrow and so far I have lost 16 pounds on my journey of weight loss.  I recently joined a gym and began walking and and weight training.  However, I decided to join a different gym that had free visitors!  Now, I can bring a workout partner with me when I put the tennis shoes to the treadmill.

I have began watching Biggest Loser from the beginning.  I have made it to season 7 and have been inspired so much that I have changed my food intake and my exercise routine.  I am not tired of eating chicken but lettuce needs to be shelved!

A friend of mine came to visit and asked me a life changing question.  She asked me why I want to loose weight.  I know that I have hundreds of reason why but I need to focus on that one specific reason WHY?  I don't have my answer yet, but I am still contemplating my goal.